32 bevis på att Noel Gallagher är världens argaste människa
Tidningen Rolling Stone har listat 101 uttalanden som Noel Gallagher från Oasis vräkt ur sig genom åren. Som att internetanvändare är dumma i huvudet eller att han hellre dricker bensin än lyssnar på Alex Turner från Arctic Monkeys. Här är de 32 vresigaste citaten som bevisar att Noel Gallagher är världens argaste person.
1. One Direction
"Fucking idiots... They're all winning. No one's losing! The only people who are losing are idiots like me at 9.30 in the morning when you're trying to get the kids out the door for school, and they're fucking murdering one of Blondie's songs."
2. Att Ed Sheeran var huvudakt på Wembley Stadium
"I don't think I can live in a world where that's even possible. When you hear that kind of polished pop and then there's a ginger guy with a fucking guitar it seems subversive, but it's fucking not."
3. Om att gå i rehab
"Didn't go into rehab like all me mates did – fucking lightweights."
4. Hans gitarrspelande
"I'm average at fucking best."
5. Arctic Monkeys
"I would rather drink petrol straight from the nozzle at a garage than listen to an interview with Alex Turner from the Arctic Monkeys. Wouldn't you? Alternative thinking is on its way out. They just don't make for great copy."
"Because people who write and read and review books are fucking putting themselves a tiny little bit above the rest of us who fucking make records and write pathetic little songs for a living.... Book sellers, book readers, book writers, book owners – fuck all of them."
7. Kanye West
"Somebody needs to buy that dumbass a dictionary so he can look up the word "artistry".... Get him a dictionary from me, I'll fuckin' sign it and give it to him so he can look it up."
"[If the word "artistry"] applies to Beyoncé then fuck me."
9. Erotisk littaratur
"Fifty Shades of Grey? Fifty shades of shite."
10. Brorsan Liam Gallagher...
"He's a born fucking liar."
11. ...och hur galen han är
"There isn't a word that's been invented yet that could describe that man's madness."
12. Året 2013
"All I've done is sit around the house and become a fucking hypochondriac. Dog-shit year. Can't wait until it's over."
13. Kaiser Chiefs
"The worst thing about them is that they're not very good. They play dress-up and sit on top of an apex of meaninglessness. They don't mean anything to anybody apart from their fucking ugly girlfriends."
14. Mark Ronson
"He wants to write his own tunes instead of ruining everyone else's. Mark Ronson needs to learn three chords on the guitar and write a tune."
"I fucking despise hip-hop. Loathe it. Eminem is a fucking idiot, and I find 50 Cent the most distasteful character I have ever crossed in my life. It's so negative."
"Apple came along and destroyed the fucking world. Youth culture is pretty much non-existent anymore. It's this whole youth culture which is based on gadgets. It's like Apple are driving youth culture, not youth culture driving the world."
17. Människor som skräpar ner
"I like that Singapore thing. You know – you get caught dropping litter you get your head chopped off. I'd have a bin on every street corner. If you're going to buy a doughnut, eat the fucking doughnut. Don't have a bite and then chuck it on the floor. Eat the fucking doughnut."
18. Hur man är cool
"Cool is not standing in a corner with sunglasses, smoking a cigarette, drinking champagne and quoting Jack Kerouac. Cool is not giving a fuck about what you say or what you wear, cool is not being cool."
19. Kurt Cobain
"I heard this song called 'I Hate Myself and I Want to Die' and I thought, I'm not having that, I cannot have this American rock star who everybody is lauding as a genius with all the money in the world sitting there in his mansion on smack saying that. What d'you want to die for?"
20. Andra bands fans
"People like Coldplay, but they don't love them. People like U2, but they don't love them. But people fucking love Oasis. That's the way it is. It's more than the music."
"I bought a really fucking nice jacket in Japan. Cost me a fortune. And some fucking idiot yesterday... There was a big massive, swirling crush of people, and they had a pen and they just scribbled on my jacket. It's a beautiful jacket, fucking ruined. Ruined! So that's the down side of fame."
"I feel sorry for Keane. No matter how hard they try they'll always be squares. Even if one of them started injecting heroin into onto his cock people would go, 'Yeah but your dad was a vicar, good night.'"
23. Billie Joe Armstrong
"I'm not having him. I just don't like his head."
24. Det brittiska kungafamiljen
"I wouldn't wish the royal family dead, just seriously maimed. I'd take a couple legs off."
25. Sum 41
"I'm just glad I lived long enough to hear the shittiest band ever."
"The thing that gets me is, people will say that [Blur's] the Beatles and we're the Stones. The fact of the matter is, we're the Beatles and the Stones, and they're the fucking Monkees."
27. Victoria Beckham
"Why is Posh Beckham writing a fucking book of her memoirs? She can't even chew chewing gum and walk in a fucking straight line at the same time, let alone write a book."
28. Människor som lyssnar på morgonradio
"Why have I got to be there at seven in the morning? Who's listening at fucking seven in the morning? Cunts, that's who's."
29. Damon Albarn från Blur
"Damon Albarn is a fucking knobber. And his guitarist – who I thought was all right – seems to think that he's some intelligent superhuman being, the fucking idiot. I never met the drummer and the bassist, who I first didn't like and thought he was a cunt, turned out to be quite all right. But I don't like the music, and I don't like the singer."
30. Människor på internet
"I don't care what the Internet says. 99.9999% of the people on the Internet are dumbasses anyway."
31. Hans tidigare bandmedlemmar
"I spent 20 years in a band making records by committee. I'm fucked if I'm going to do that now. I think Oasis was at its best when I was solely in charge, anyway."
"If you could sum up my career with films, Oasis was a cross between The Wolf of Wall Street and Saving Private Ryan – it was all about the struggle and the chaos."
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